For the Overwhelmed Mom
Hi sweet momma,
First of all, you are a GREAT mom! No one could be a better mom for those little brats- I mean kids- for your beautiful kids. Has it been difficult lately? Does your brain feel foggy and you’re struggling to feel like yourself?
Being a mom can feel so drowning! The mom guilt alone is overwhelming! And if your kids are little, you barely have time for eating, going to the bathroom, sleeping- just to mention a few. Man, how can something so little take over your whole entire life!?
It’s okay to be sad, angry, and all the feelings in between. Your feelings are valid! It becomes especially difficult if you are carrying a lot of trauma, pain, and unhealed wounds.
It’s not helpful to tell yourself you should only think positive thoughts. Don’t tell yourself that others have it worse; acknowledge your pain and trauma. Cry a lot, ugly cry! Let it out! Your momma ain’t there anymore to tell you to move on and wipe your face, lol.
You are GROWN and you can freaking cry about whatever it is that has been bothering you or hurting inside. If it hurt you or still hurts you, it is VALID, period. I don’t give two flies if it was something so simple as not having any friends in elementary school, or being alone too much as a child. Heck, maybe your grandma took your pet duck and made it for dinner! It doesn’t always have to be about abuse. It’s easy to compare trauma and pain to someone else that has had it worse, but that is not helpful nor will it get rid of your feelings.
If you keep trying to change your emotions, they will never be dealt with and managed. In other words, these feelings will never go away. Sit with your memories, with your pain, meditate on all that has happened in your life and how it made you feel. Accept that it already happened and that now you can reinvent your life from this moment on. You don’t need to go find yourself, girl there is nothing to find in there but pain! You gotta create it! Who would you like to be? Who inspires you?
You will always be you, but you don’t have to be this version that has been influenced by everyone around you. Be the one you have always WANTED to be. Not your momma’s expectation or your peers’ approved version. They ain’t gonna get in the coffin with you when you die girl! So be who you wanna be and when the time comes you go die in actual peace, feeling like you left it all on the table! Yeah yeah, a little morbid, but someone has to get through to you so that you stop being sad.
Yes you are sad, you’re not just overwhelmed, you’re most likely depressed- fine, let’s call it a little sad. Either way, depression is not only laying all day in a couch drinking wine. It comes in the form of an overwhelmed mom who doesn’t know why she just feels so sad. And probably drinking a lot of coke and eating a bunch of sugar, because that drug is accepted by society somehow, but not by your hips, your hips and your whole body hate it.
I have been there, I have cried A LOT! I have stuffed my face for years. I had trauma, lots of it. And if I got through it, you can bet your cute little butt you can too!
*If you are in a very dark place right now, and your safety or that of others is at risk, please call or text the suicide hotline by dialing 988 so that you can speak to someone right away.
How do you become happy?
Your family needs you, and seeing you happy is very important. You impact your whole family, and their behavior and development is affected by yours.
It begins from the moment you wake up. Be kind and patient with yourself, expect good things for the day. Throughout the day focus on what is good and going well, and not so much on what went wrong. Forgive yourself for your mistakes along the way and keep pursuing your goal of being more positive.
Don’t pick up guilt bricks.
Mom guilt keeps growing if you keep feeding it. Tell yourself “That’s too heavy, put it down.” and keep moving.
You love those kids, you are doing your best, that is all anyone can ask of you.
When you go to bed at night, think of what worked and what did’t work and what changes you can make to do better. If the day didn’t go very well- i.e. you yelled like psycho- or you had a rough night, don’t beat yourself up for it, tomorrow is a new day.
If you notice your emotions are getting the best out of you most of the time, and you feel shame and lack of control over your reactions, this may be coming from complex trauma, sadness, and grief. Possibly mommy wounds and daddy wounds.
Try practicing impulse control. When you start feeling angry take a break, pause everything you are doing, and simply do nothing but breathe. Remind yourself at that moment that you are safe, you are no longer in the past.
Inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, exhale for 8 seconds. Slow down, you might be going to fast and your breathing pattern gets affected which affects your diaphragm and hence the rest of your body.
You can also write down what you feel on your phone instead of yelling at the kids or texting like a mad woman! Cry if you need to, let the feelings out in a safe way and without hurting your relationships.
Self soothe by telling yourself you are safe and calm. You can practice “Havening” to calm yourself down. Place your hands on the opposite arms right below the shoulders and rub down. Repeat slowly for as long as you need to calm yourself down and feel comfort. This is a psychosensory therapy called Havening.
Celebrate every step you take towards impulse control and grounding yourself. If you actually stop yourself and use a strategy, you are telling your anger or your other emotions “I am in control now.” The problem is not having the feelings, it is what you are doing about them and how you are managing their release.
Changing your mindset and your life:
Changing your mindset and what you are getting out of life can be simple, but it takes having the desire for more, for a better life, for happiness. Of course there will always be problems and things that go wrong, but an overall feeling of happiness and peace is what we all want! That’s what I was able to obtain after healing from my depression, and I am now the best version of myself, but it took a lot of remembering, healing, forgiving, learning, and time.
I created this blog to help other mom’s that are experiencing the same thing. I want to share everything I have learned along the way that has made such a difference in my life and my mental health. I truly wish I had found all of this information years ago! I would have been able to heal much quicker and made much better choices.
But the past is in the past, and it made me who I am now. I’m thankful for that and the result of my life so far is this blog, which may end up helping you and so many others, and that is so rewarding to me! Alright, alright, enough with the sappy sh-
So where do we start?
First, you have to be so sick and tired of your situation that you are willing to accept change and really try out new things and be consistent. It’s definitely hard to want ANYTHING when you don’t feel well! I know you are hurting, but take some time each morning or night to meditate on your life and heal. Know that change is possible, but it takes baby steps. Patience with yourself and your pace is key.
Breathe in deep and exhale. Close your eyes and picture what an ideal (not perfect) day would be like from start to finish.
What are the daily things you want to happen in your life?
Is it waking up a few hours earlier than the kids to have some time to yourself? What would you do with that time? Maybe you just want to be able to have the energy to make breakfast and get out of the house without screaming and rushing the kids. Or working on a special project, like a blog? Or maybe you just want the mental clarity to tackle the pile of bills sitting on the dinning table.
Maybe you want to add more exercise into your schedule. Or you want to change careers and you envision that as part of your ideal day.
Now tell yourself: “I can do that for myself!” “I can get that life if I truly put the effort.” “I have to get back up again for my kids, for me.”
“I got beat up by life, but I can get back up!”
It’s time to start implementing new things in your life that will help you feel wholesome.
Let’s begin!
Sitting With Time
One time I read, “Don’t compare yourself to the person in Chapter 28 when you are only in Chapter 1.” It was a very different way of looking at my road ahead. It felt better to think of it as chapters in one’s life, instead of feeling like a lesser person because I didn’t have it figured out like them.
Being ok with waiting and time frames is something I’ve had to work so hard on. If we don’t begin because it will take time, we never change anything. Force yourself to begin processes, even if they are lengthy. Find motivations to push you and carry you through.
Write down what you want! It could be what you want to accomplish this year, or for a period of five years, or any version you want, but write it down. Vision boards are really useful as well.
I will be recommending here many things that have been so useful to me. Just to let you know, this blog is reader-supported, meaning I don’t have any adds popping up all over the place, but if you click on any of the links, they’ll take you to Amazon and if you purchase them I will get a few bucks as a commission at no cost to you. Thanks for your support!
I love this planner for organizing my life with 3 little kids and it has plenty of spaces for extra notes and goal setting. Plus it has lots of stickers!!
Mindset
You gotta tell yourself “Just do it!” every time you start doubting yourself or you won’t get anything done.
When you want to revert or self sabotage, be patient with yourself and treat yourself nicely. Would you judge a child the same way you judge yourself? Here are some positive phrases to use:
“It’s ok to make mistakes, everyone makes them all the time”
“I can do hard things”
“Just do it!”
These are great coloring books if you like coloring to de-stress and get inspired through art:
Overwhelm
Whenever things start feeling overwhelming, give yourself a break without feeling guilty.
Take a nap.
Watch a positive or funny show (best to avoid any drama or horror).
Just do something completely different without any guilt. Self-care is productive too!
Two tips for when really stressed or upset. These are also great for healing trauma :
One- The back of your neck is connected to your nervous system, you can place something cold on it to help you calm down, like an icepack. I usually just wet my hand with cold water and place it there. This is a great tip that has helped me so much to regulate and calm down anger, anxiety, and overwhelm.
Two- You can practice tapping. Check it out below.
ETF Tapping
Using 2 fingertips you tap the meridian points from the picture while using an emotional focus sentence out loud.
Like: “I love and accept myself just the way I am.” You can also say other things like “I didn’t complete anything in my To Do list today and I love and accept who I am.” or “My trauma doesn’t define me.”
If hard to remember when very upset, you can just do the ones you remember. Try to do them in order. I usually do #s 2,4,6, and 7
Supplements
This is NOT medical advice. Please CONSULT your DOCTOR before taking anything recommended below.
A good place to start for brain fog and sleeping better is magnesium.
If you can at least take magnesium and vitamin D at first, it will be incredibly helpful for you.
Create a routine and take them at the same time everyday so that you can remember better.
Below I have listed further information on the supplements I recommend.
Magnesium Glycinate- for anxiety and depression, improves sleep, reduces pain and cramping, and more.
Magnesium L-Threonate- helps with brain fog, improves brain function and memory, improves sleep quality. If you take this one with L-Theanine you get the best results for managing anxiety, depression, and all that comes with it.
Magnesium Oxide- for constipation. Not having regular bowel movements affects you greatly! It can cause irritability, lethargy, restlessness, etc. In children bad behaviors can manifest even worse. You should be going a good amount daily. This is the most natural way to manage that. Once bowel movements are regular you can stop taking it. But you can take this for a long period without any damage or side effects. Heal any constipation to give yourself and your family a healthy body and therefore a healthy mind. I have used this one with my children for years.
Next most important is Vitamin D because it helps absorb magnesium and other vitamins and nutrients from your food. Most people are deficient in Vitamin D.
Vitamin D is a crucial vitamin because it helps your bones, muscles, heart, immune system, fights depression, and even cancer just to name a few things.
Here are some more you should definitely try:
Vitamin B12 has changed my life! It is especially helpful if you are dealing with depression, but it also has lots of benefits and can help with conditions like ADHD, OCD, and more. If you can get it in shots that’s a big plus, because you bypass the stomach and absorb so much more, but the one I am recommending above is a great quality one and very absorbable.
There are so many benefits to consuming beef liver, but you don’t have to eat it, you can take it in supplements.
Omega 3 is key in supporting brain function, including mental health. The benefits extend to your whole body wellbeing, from cardiovascular health to bone health.
Vitamin C helps with vitamin absorption too, especially iron, and is a really good vitamin to take as it helps with cognitive thinking, your immune system, and much more.
Your gut microbiome is your second brain, so taking a good probiotic is key to a healthy brain.
Look into olive leaf, chlorella, and/or oregano oil for a detox of heavy metals, parasites, lowering inflammation, and so much more!
Aches and Pains
During my depression I ended up in the ER from neck pain alone, I got a muscle relaxer shot and still had pain! It was that bad… I couldn’t even lay down to sleep and had to sleep sitting up somehow. It’s the worst pain I have ever experienced, and I’ve had 3 c-sections! Tension can REALLY wreak havoc in your body.
Neck pain is so common during periods of extreme stress. People often tense their neck muscles leading to stiffness and pain. That tension can keep getting worse if not treated properly.
Don’t get a massage or touch it too much, it will only cause more inflammation and make the pain worse.
Use Arnica cream for any muscular pain in your body and take Turmeric supplements to lower inflammation.
A neck collar for neck pain is super helpful, I know it sounds super dramatic but it helped me so much! It gives your neck muscles rest and support. I still use it when I start having pain again and the next day the pain is gone. I have two I use, a foam one and a brace.
Here are a few pillows that may help you sleep better. Check them out: pillow 1 and pillow 2
Sleep and Rest
Make sure you are sleeping, do whatever it takes! Sleep is the key to a healthier you. It’s important to get between 6-9 hours of sleep.
Magnesium is great for better sleep and calming down anxiety, but this product is all natural and fantastic for sleep and anxiety Liposomal Saffron. A mix of saffron with other things like ashwagandha and rhodiola has been a life saver for our family!
As moms it is critical to have our “me time” and a time to rest. Sometimes our kids won’t let us do that, though. Since our children’s sleep affects us so much, I have included below some recommendations for better sleep. This topic has a whole category of its own, but this info might help for now.
Make sure you have set a night routine, boundaries, and an appropriate form of discipline/consequences. A reward chart can help most of the time if they are working towards a goal like a toy. Not only can you praise with the stars/rewards, but taking stars away from the chart can be a consequence for bad behavior or not listening as well. Check these out: caterpillar and star jar
Control their sugar intake and screen time, especially two hours before bed.
If your kids have a hard time with bedtime, like mine, using the saffron mix above can be helpful, but please consult with your kids’ pediatrician before giving them anything recommended here. It’s also important to know that although this is a product meant for adults, there are products for kids (4+ years) with these ingredients in them. With this product you are supposed to take up to 2 droppers, so I only give my 6 year old 4 drops at night time and one drop for my 2.5 year old. This was approved by their pediatritian and it helps them relax and get drowsy enough to go to sleep without protesting. It also helps them be more calm during the day and in a better mood.
All things that have helped tremendously calm down stress and overwhelm. I love my kids, but I need them to go to bed before 8pm or I’ll transform!
Here are other products that are formulated specifically for children:
Melatonin Free (4+ years) : Mood Magic
Ashwagandha by itself for focus, mood, and sleep (4+ years): Ashwagandha
With melatonin (3+ years): Sleepberry
Don’t be too scared of melatonin if you guys are not getting any sleep at all! Lack of sleep hurts kids and moms much more than melatonin ever will. You can use it for a while for sleep training and wean off by using less and less amounts.OLLY Kids Sleep It has a tiny dose of half a milligram of melatonin in one gummy, but please consult with your child’s pediatrician. This is not for babies, but I did use it for my 11 month old for a couple weeks during sleep training because I was falling apart from the sleep deprivation. She had not slept all night-through since she was born. So yeah, 11 months of sleep deprivation! I have also used it every time we have flown on a plane.
Every child is different of course, so see what works for your kiddos.
Nothing in your life is a punishment!
God loves you so dearly, you are His beautiful princess. If you are going through a rough time in your life, it is easy to think that maybe God is punishing you. I am confident enough to say that no one is punishing you, sometimes life happens to us.
God’s grace always catches you, no matter what you do. He can bring out good from the bad. There are always lessons to be learned and there is purpose in pain too. Rest assured that once you reach the next chapter, you will understand that everything that happened made you YOU, and you are a wonderful gift to your family and to us all!
Oh sweetest momma, life is hard. I’m sorry you are going through a difficult phase. I hurt for you, because I know exactly how it feels. But God made you strong, you are a WOMAN, you can do this!
Get back up!
Make little changes, one day at a time. I can’t stress enough how important it is to have patience with yourself. YOU WILL GET THERE!
Remember the point of making changes is to give your life an upgrade and feel better and healthier! So don’t let making decisions paralyze you. “Just Do It!” I repeat this to myself all the time and especially when I feel that I’m getting stuck on decisions I gotta make.
Just do it, just pick something, just start, you can do this!
Hugs to you dear friend!
It’s important to lift each other up as women, and that’s the community I want to build around me. What would you add to help other moms? What are some things that have helped you handle the anxiety and sometimes depression that can happen during motherhood?
